i barfeds in our rink
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just invented taco cereal.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
