Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
