So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
