youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
