I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
