You work out of a Hotel?
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Dignity is for republicans.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
