I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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