i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
