i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize