I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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