This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
