3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
