i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
