She is in my trunk
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Edward fifth and chaser hands
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
