How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
