I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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