when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
