my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
