its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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