I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
