now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
