Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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