I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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