lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
