If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Alive.
So much puke
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
