He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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