my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
