What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
