i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
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