She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
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