omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
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