so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
