yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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