I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
