I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
