singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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