all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
