Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize