What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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