You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
