There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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