I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
