I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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