I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
