I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
