i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
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