remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
