If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
