since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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