it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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