Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Randomize
