what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
