She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
