Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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