sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
