gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
