Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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