You just made me feel so damn special
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
