I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
