I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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