Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
