I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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