So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
