I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
