you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.