Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.