I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
it's great music for shaving your balls
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.