That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.