he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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