If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
