He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
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i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
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And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help