I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.