yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Randomize
