We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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