Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all