I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.