your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
