Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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