I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
